Thursday, 25 May 2006

Boys!

Kids! We always love them. Sometimes we wish we could send them back or trade them in. What a damned shame we can't! A word to those who might be offended, I'm feeling very frustrated about being a parent and am about to whine, whinge, moan and bitch about how the youth of today - read that I am talking specifically about 5 of our 7 off-spring - are ungrateful little beasts who want it all, want it now and then have the audacity to abuse the parents who worked so hard and went without so for themselves to make their kids' lives work out well. If you think that you might take offence, stop reading now.

Generally, kids are self-centred. That's pretty normal at certain ages and stages of youthful life. Some kids carry it too far and will try to screw parents for whatever they can get and abuse the parents when parents cry uncle. This is what has worn very thin in our family life. It seems that this generation is much more into taking than making stuff happen for self. If someone else can do it for them rather than them doing for themselves, today's youth will make a parent's life miserable to achieve youth goals.

Don't get me wrong. Paul and I love our kids dearly. At the moment however, I don't pretend that I like all of them all the time. All parents feel that way about their kids. All kids feel that way about their parents. It's normal.

You see, now and again, kids do something or don't do something that makes you either wonder where you went wrong in the parenting department or wish that they were some else's kids. Experience of the last couple of years and seeing the good times makes me realise that, for the most part, I've done a good job of parenting. Sure there have been issues I wish I could turn back the clock and resolve differently but those issues took place in contexts where I felt I was doing the right thing at the right time, armed with as much information possible in hand. Then again, perhaps gut instinct should not be ignored either. Perhaps these 'failures' might have turned out worse!

Take, for instance, the day a toddler nearly lost a finger in the cot. Dad insisted that I leave baby to cry because kids turn into whimps by pandering to their needs every time they squeek. Thankfully, I didn't listen to dad. I knew my baby was crying for a reason. It turned out that the poor possum had wrapped a string belonging to a 'pull-string-down-play-music toy' around a finger. The baby had then fallen over with string still stuck on finger and said finger was turning a nasty shade of blue. How was I to know that that day gut instinct and knowing the sound of the child's crying would save a professional music career of the future? Dad did seem harsh at the time, but was equally upset about the finger when he realised the situation, so I give him credit that he thought he was doing what was best for the child.

That example was a baby and mother love. Nowadays, sometimes letting the little bastards sink would be the better option for parent love. Erm I think the politically correct term is 'tough love'.

We have two boys who have been lent money (about $7,000 each) to buy a car. Both promised to re-pay the money but neither one has. Both have abused the lending parent saying that we can afford to wear it. What a crock! If these young men want to be treated like adults that they are, they need to act like and follow through consequences of actions. If they owe money to someone, regardless if it is a parent, they pay it back!

I could not believe the nonsense that spewed from one son's mouth last night. He was angry because his father asked about making payments on the $7000.00 loan. The son says that that his father had done nothing financially for him in his life and that Paul deserved to be screwed out of his savings. This is the same son who was given an enormous sum of money to set up his tool box for his apprenticeship last year, who had been financed to stay in Mackay at aged 15 years (he tried to commit suicide because he didn't want to go back to Brisbane when his father was transfered - poor kid) and who was recently given $1000 'danger money' - which was then spent on grog, cigarettes and paying fines after being arrested for bad behaviour in public places.

Another son felt that it was his father's duty to keep the son in comfort after he finished school. He tried the line about that's what parents 'do' for their kids. The 19 year old was most put out when his father refused him more money after he wrote off his car, dropped out of university and refused to go to work because wanted to play and chat on the net all day. He told all and sundry how his father was a tight-fisted shit head who did nothing for any of his kids. This same son is the one who needed his father to help him stay out of jail after being charged with fraud. At 22 years old, this son has at least got himself together somewhat. Yes he still changes his job every 6 months, but at least he has a job. Good on you, kiddo!

The youngest son lives with his mother and refuses to visit because he has better things to do with his time than come over and spend time or go out and spend time (if he's not interested in seeing me) with the parent he doesn't live with. For a 16 year old that's normal but somewhat selfish. Paul misses him. Even a phonecall from the son to his father now and again wouldn't hurt. The son likes the living arrangement because he finds it easier to manipulate his mother by threatening to break something when he isn't getting his way than facing being given responsibilities by his father (I will never forget the incident with the hammer and the bonnet of the car and a frightened mother begging for help on her mobile phone nor all the screeming phonecalls from hysterical mother or so over some issue or other). This son told Paul he wanted to be an architect. To do so one needs an OP of 3 (a very high OP) to get into the course. The son criticises his father for doing a parent's job (encouraging his son to do well at school rather than just kicking around with the kids in the complex he lives in and chatting the night away on the net).

Do you want to know what scheme this little monster cooked up to try to black mail Paul into giving him more money? Shoplifting. Yes folks, no 3 son has also had his brush with the law. He's angry with his father because dad only pays a $100/month pocket money. The mother gets the maximum amount a man pays for child support here in Australia - something to the tune of $3000 a month - but she doesn't give her son pocket money because he refuses to help around the house at all. Anyway, to punish the father, the son told Paul would that he would go to work part time and fail school. The silly kid! It's not hurting Paul but it's hurting the son. Let him go to work and get some experience, I say. I figure that the son needs the experience because he's going to be serving behind shop counters (or behind bars if his brushes with the law escalate like his brothers) all his life if he doesn't pick up his game!

We've had enough of bad behaviour from our sons. Hence fairly recently, all of them have had a well-deserved 'talk' about their actions from their parent (my son from me, Paul's sons from him). It's called parenting. It's about letting kids know in a diplomatic (albeit sometimes less than subtle way) that some of their behaviour is not acceptable even if all their friends are doing it. As this is my blog I'm not going to beat around the bush (pardon the pun). If I had all the boys here what I'd really like to say is:

'If you make arrangements of any sort, don't make half-hearted ones you don't plan to keep. You don't like it when people don't do what they say they will do for you. If you are coming to spend the night here or with your grandparents, for example, don't back out at the 11th hour unless it's for life-threatening reasons. It's not polite. Someone else has made plans about those arrangements too. It might not cost you money when you change your mind like this, but it does cost you respect.

'Boys, it's never OK to use the 'boys will be boys' attitude to how you treat women. It's wrong, wrong, wrong to lie and tell someone you love her just so that you can get into her pants. Nor is it right to 'take time out' from your girlfriend to see how you feel about her especially if you want to break up for a short time because you want to snog someone else but don't want to lose the regular sex with the regular girlfriend (I can just imagine how many of our sons are squirming over that last sentence - at least three of them from recent weeks). Sex is not a sport. It's a myth that it's universally & socially acceptable to spread the legs of every female you possibly can. If you want to fuck a girl, save up your money and pay a prostitute. Most of the young women who you kinds of men meet in your daily lives are the kinds of women who believe in relationships with commitment, maybe even marriage and babies. You are not only playing with their clitoruses, you are playing with their heads and hearts - and not playing fair! You don't like soiled goods so don't do your share of soiling.

'Boys and girls please be aware that when you reach 18 years of age we are willing to help with university and further expenses for the first degree or trade qualification. However, be aware while we try to be very generous to you all, neither Paul nor I are charitable institutions nor do we have a money tree in our garden. Also, be aware that there are 7 of you kids. If we do something for one of you, we do try to do something similar for all of you. That is no mean feat on our part and by no means ungenerous. If you want something that costs money, either be patient and live without it for a while and then save for it, or go to work and earn it (I don't know why I don't apply this to living with us in the family home until university is finished - nearly every cent I have earned in the last four years has gone to the coffers of my university aged son and daughter and their desires to be 'independent' in their own home).

'Be aware that Paul and I have taken a life-time of hard yakka to get where we are. Don't look at our life-style now and say that you want the same one at 20 that we have at 50 years of age. We did not have handouts from parents after we left school (in fact my mother left me in the hands of social security - as it was called in those days and gave me 30 cents for a phone call home to let her know that I was fine - I don't quite recommend that drastic stingyness). We saved and paid for our own education etc and studied like there was nothing more important when we were at university. Let me tell you that in the long run it's much more satisfying doing it for yourself.

Maybe William and Kerry, the other parents of these 7 off spring, got the better deal by simply washing their hands and walking away from parenting their offspring. Neither of them make the time of day for their children unless coerced, but neither of them get abused for not doing stuff. It's just us mugs who try to do our best who cop flack.

My apologies for the whine. I needed it and I did warn you. I should now get back to painting what will probably be my second spare room.

Happiness and laughter folks.

Bliss

7 comments:

Felicity said...

Thanx for the input. I did say that I was going to have a bitch. I at least had the guts to sign my name to my input. I notice you did not. 'Boys will be boys' is not a good line of defence, mate!

Anonymous said...

I seriously cannot begin to believe you think you have the right to say that you love your children after what you write about them.

Do you think you are accomplishing anything from writing this? Youve made only yourself look like a self-centred bitch, and not made anyone feel any pity for you. If we feel any pity watsoever, its for your sons!!!

How can you call yourself a parent, a mother??? What kind of person writes about their children as though they would like to see them dead? Do you have any idea at all? Are you completely brain damaged? Think about the impact your words have... not for your sake, beacuse I really couldnt care less, but for your sons at least.

Although in the end I do have to thank you....from you being such a bad parent, I have realised just how good mine are!

Anonymous said...

how fuken DOG UGLY is this bitch!

Anonymous said...

u dont deserve nate.

Anonymous said...

WTF THATS A HUGE BITCH!


ur 1 to talk slut

Nate said...

Looks like a lot of people like you...

Josh said...

its a shame that men think with there dicks instead of brain isnt it