Sunday, 20 January 2008

In tears

I've read with hand-over-mouth horror about fellow crafters' gifts lovingly made with hours of work & then left languishing unappreciated in the recipient's hallway cupboard or thrown back in their maker's faces, but have never had it happen to me - until now.

Yesterday, I got a 'razz' from the partner of one of the people I beaded for at Christmas time about how dare I send his woman cheap crap for Christmas. I'm kinda in shock!

When I explained that it wasn't cheap crap & was made of goldwash beads, Swarovski crystal & Czech glass & designed, with fun, just for his 'woman', his response was:

"Someone ripped you off. I could have bought it at a market stall with change from $20.00." (ie less than £10 or $15USD)

Gosh! The trouble is that one thing leads to another.

His partner then sent me a text message that suggested that on the night of their engagement party, I find myself something to do (sit in the park, if necessary) as I was no longer invited to attend but that my husband was expected to still do so.

Guess who ain't gettin' the carefully designed cross stitch wedding sampler I've planned for them. The materials were kitted up & said kit was top on my '2008 To Do' pile, but not any more.

According to this person, It seems there are quite a few other people in that line of the family unamused about my Christmas gift-making, hence the reason why I got Bonds Cottontail style white bloomers for Christmas from the family matriarch. Sad, huh? The good side of the story is that I liked the bloomers. I thought they were a great idea for 'the girl who has [according to certain family members] everything.' My girls & I are planning to make the same gift a feature of every Christmas (sort of like a lucky dip 'Who got the bloomers this year?' thing).

The other sad part is that this year I was thinking of joining a few stitching exchange groups (you know the online groups where you stitch for someone). Now, I'm not game. I'd hate to disappoint the recipient.

Has any of this ever happened to you? If so, what was your response? How did you react to that person?

What the hell do I do next?


Bronzemom said...

Honey, tell 'em all to go straight to Hades and stitch for yourself!

stitcherw said...

Oh no, I'm so sorry. I can't believe how cruel and unappreciative people can be sometimes. My first thought was that they don't do any types of art/craft type things, as otherwise they'd have had an appreciation for the time, money, thought, and effort that goes into different projects. It is so much easier to just buy something for someone than it is to take and give your time and money to make it. So far I've never had to experience that, but it is probably because I tend to be selfish and keep most of what I do to myself. My parents, daughther and a couple of others are all I've given my work to. I'd be crushed as well if I got the response that you got.

As to what do you do next, just keep stitching and making things you love, but maybe be less generous with your lovely finished projects. The idea of passing the bloomers each year does sound fun. I know a couple of people that have rituals like that and they have a grand time. {{hugs}}

Marita said...

How horrific! I'm so sorry they were such rude idiots. I'd not bother giving them anything in the future if it was me (store bought or hand made).

Love the bloomer idea, that is hysterical.

I've been careful to only give handmade items to friends / family who stitch themselves and understand the time and love that goes into it.

This Christmas I finished a cross stitch wreath for my SIL J and got it professionally framed for her.

She couldn't fit in in the car so left it at her Dads house for him to post up later. The post office said it wouldn't survive being posted (the glass or the frame would break). So her Dad decided the best thing to do was CUT it out of the frame and then just post the fabric :EEEK: Thank god we walked in just as he was about to make the first cut. I about threw up at the sight. Once he realised exactly what was involved in framing cross stitch and the damage he could have done he was very apologetic.

Jennifer said...

It just made me sick to read it. Clearly these people have no manners and no thought to other peoples' feelings. I can't believe how incredibly rude they are, and surely you'd have a better time even sitting in the park than you would going to a party for these idiots.

I'm sorry you had to endure that. You should continue to hold your head up high and do what you love.

Shelley said...

Hi, there,

I haven't commented before, although I've been reading your blog for a while. I just read so many blogs that it's hard to know where to jump in with commenting!

Anyway, I just had to respond and say I'm so sorry you had to put up with these selfish, materialistic comments. Since when are homemade gifts "cheap"? In the first place, every stitcher knows that stitching is not cheap financially. Also - what it cost you was time and energy and loving thoughts - all of the important things in life are invested into your craft! It is a small, mean-spirited person who can't see that.

As for joining exchanges - I have participated in a few and I think you will be pleasantly surprised to find them filled generous, kind, appreciative people. In fact, I'd go so far as to say they might restore your faith in the goodness of people a little bit!

Take care,

Cheryl said...

Oh my goodness this story is awful! What a horrible thing to do to you. I must admit, there are some people (frineds&fmaily) that i would never make anything for as i just know it wouldnt be appreciated it at all.
I wouldnt let it put you off exchanging though! I think fellow crafters/stitchers etc appreciate the work that goes into gifts a lot more.
AS for your comment on my blog, you should definitely join the SAL group when you are ready to start CdC. Its great motivation! The blog is and Dani's email is on there. She'll add you as a member :)

Judith said...

How awfull of them. Just send me a private e-mail and I will be happy to do an oe on one exchange for you and I am sure you will make something beautifull, maybe it will give you a little lift up in still joining in exchanges.
I have something like this happening to me and it was even from someone that was a stitcher, but it was not big enough and I always did send out little things to her and others, believe me, I was just silent and now don't have contact with her anymore.

Cindy said...

Oh my goodness, that is horrible! I have been lucky enough that I haven't had this happen, but know that I would be horrified if it ever did.

I wouldn't let this keep you from participating in a stitching exchange.

'Berta said...

I wish I could hug you and take the hurt away. Some people are so materialistic - I'd personally love something handcrafted with love!

Wish them well, and cut them loose. They aren't worth any more time or energy.

Stitch from your heart, for those who will appreciate it. Do it for you!

Megumi said...

I cannot believe that people could be so downright rude and obnoxious. They obviously never learned anything about manners. People like that don't deserve your beautiful handiwork. You have my deepest sympathies in having to endure such horrible ingratitude.

Sonda in OR said...

I second whole-heartedly what these lovely folks have already said.

As for exchanges, other stitchers usually know how to appreciate these things. Like Judith said, I'll exchange one-on-one with you if you like!!! Just let me know!

Itching To Stitch said...

Don't people just amaze you sometimes? I'm sure what you made was beautiful. Even if it was the ugliest thing in the world, do these people know what manners are? I hope you don't consider these people close friends, like the saying goes...with friends like that who needs enemies.

I'm sorry this has happened. I love what I've watched you stitch ;)

Ruth said...

I'd wish for a tree to fall on each of their cars, a plague of blackbirds to haunt their rafters and only "sing" at night (all night long), a pernicious rat family to infest their pantry (forever), and finally for 7,912 strangely large and aggressive roaches to run up and down the aisle at their wedding and then to follow them to their honeymoon and reappear for each and every one of their anniversaries, but that wouldn't be all that nice of me.

I endorse everyone here who says to continue to stitch and enjoy and be more stingy with who you honor with your gifting.

I'd also suggest that anyone who complained or who was reported to complain should not only not be entitled to a gift made by you, but they are no longer entitled to any gift into which you'd have to put the effort it would take to get to the shops or even click "buy now" online.

Think of this as a liberating experience. They've really done you quite a favor -- you have more time to stitch for yourself and more money to stash with too.

Finally, I, for one, would be honored to do an exchange with you. They are idiots and insufferable ones at that, therefore their opinions are of NO VALUE WHATSOEVER.

On behalf of decent crafters everyone, you have my apologies for the a**holes of the world.

Kathryn said...

No, just NO. No, you are not going to their engagement party. No, your husband is not going. No, you are not going to the wedding. No, you are not sending them ANY present whatsoever. And if they ask why they didn't get anything, say that there is nothing that you could give them that would be good enough for them. What are they up to? Checking the prices of every gift they receive? Valuing their friendship by the material gifts they are given rather than the time and thought and friendship they are given? It does not matter if they are "family". You choose your friends. Your TIME is too valuable to be wasted on wankers like this.

But as far as they are a voluntary swap that are made by people who truly value the things that they are given. Anything you give to another in an exchange will be valued, because they are making the same effort and taking the same care as you do to be surprised and delighted with what they are given.

Don't let the materialist pigs in this world get you down. Surround yourself with handmade mavens that appreciate the unique and those who appreciate items made with love.

Anonymous said...

What horrible people. Neither you nor your husband should attend any event for these wretches. My sister once told me she didn't want me to ever stitch anything for her. Better to know straight up than have to endure her disgusted ingratitude.

I stitched a sampler for my brother's wedding, but made very sure they wanted it first. I told him I had many other things to stitch, and if they didn't want it, I didn't want to stitch it. I'm always afraid something like this will happen.

Exchanges are another thing altogether. You are stitching for someone you know appreciates the craft. Do not let this horrible experience sway you from exchanges. You can make things for people that are sure to appreciate it, and that brings more joy to the making and giving.


Chris said...

I agree with the others. It was extremely hurtful of these people to treat you that way. They get no more presents, ever.

I also encourage you to join an exchange. The exchanges are stitchers stitching for other stitchers. Even though I'm sure there are some rude and mean stitchers in the world, 99.9% of us understand the time and effort it takes to stitch something. And we love the anticipation and surprise of giving and receiving something stitched. I would also be honored to do an exchange with you.

vEr0n!c@ said...

What you do now, is ignore them for being ignorant and materialistic and hateful. I couldn't imagine the hurt they caused you for being so thoughtless. I love everything you've shown on your blog and I think your stitching is beautiful. They're just not worth your time.

Bliss said...

Thank you people for all your kind messages of support. I was beginning to feel I was a little over-precious about the whole incident, but you have reassured me that that was not the case.

Today you have shown me true friendship that I really appreciate. I'll take heed of your advice & never again put time & effort into a gift prject without checking first whether it would interest the recipient.

Whilst I cannot ignore this significant person in my husband's life, I will certainly be toning down the amount of contact & closeness I allow between us. It seems the appropriate thing to do in this case.

{{{hugs back to you all}}}

Felicity, aka Bliss, in Australia.

Kendra said...

Oh my gosh, how AWFUL! What complete boors! How classy of them to 1. disparage your lovely gift and 2. to inform you that you're no longer invited to their little soiree, but your husband *must* be there. Personally, I would tell them to kiss my ass and that you and your husband will enjoy your evening together.

I'm so sorry you were made to feel like this. This scenario is exactly why I'm *extremely* picky about who I give stitchy gifts to. A beautifual snowman I made for my MIL hangs at the end of a dark hallway where no one ever sees more stitchy gifts for her. My parents, on the other hand, display their stitchy gifts in plain view...more gifts for them!

Exchanges...don't write them off just yet. As many other commenters have said, exchanges are different in that the recipient is a fellow stitcher who understands and appreciates a stitchy gift.

Hang in there and keep on crafting...don't let those obvious assmunches get you down! Just don't be so generous with your crafty items...keep them for yourself or give them to people who you'll know will appreciate the gesture.


Barbara said...

OMG!! What a horror experience! But I do love the comment by Ruth, especially that part about the large roaches. Now that's an excellent curse to put on someone!

Seriously, yes, I've had some bad experiences with giving hand-stitched gifts and like many of your other comments have said, I now only give handmade gifts to very select people who'll appreciate them and understand the love and effort that went into them.

Don't let it put you off exchanges, though! They can be a lot of fun, and it's a great way to meet other stitchers.

Good luck putting this rotten experience behind you, and enjoy those bloomers! LOL!

Chiloe said...

I don't offer handmade stuffs because it takes many hours and I don't want something like you went through happen to me ... I feel very sad for you ... This is very rude and this person should be ashamed oh himself ... The best thing is to offer those gifts to fellow stitchers or to people who tell you with envy: 'Oh! I'd like one of those !!! "

Great idea for the bloomers: hope you can find great and weird colors !!! lol

The Guider said...

That really is awful and absolutely tops the wedding I went to where I gave the bride and groom the carefully stitched sampler - not a thank you received then or now. Just to make it even better, the invite to the wedding was for my husband, me and my daughter - we went to the reception to find no seat for our daughter and the head waiter said: "the bride and groom said no children under 5 are to be fed." ?????? The three other under 5s were under 6 months so they only needed their milk. Our daughter was 4, you can't not feed a 4 year old! If they had contacted us and said: "Look, it's £20 a plate any chance you could bring a tea for your daughter?" we would not have been offended at all. But to turn up and find out an invited guest is not to be fed? We got a side plate and made up a plate for her from everyone else at the table. Which she promptly threw up on the dance floor 45 minutes later. Karma!

Becky K in OK said...

Some peopel are classless. It sounds as if you've run into a couple! Ask for the gift back, then write them off...completely. If you get the gift back, hold a lottery on your blog. You'll be amazed at the number who would love to have a gift stitched by you.

Do not, and I repeat, do not be swayed in your decision to join exchanges. They are wonderful, as are the stitchers who join. We know how much time is put into your projects.

Keep on stitchin'!!

Dani said...

Bliss, I'm so sorry that this happened. Did they understand that it was something that you took the time to make yourself? I can't believe that she would text you to tell you that you were no longer invited to their party but your husband was.

I have to agree with everyone else ... don't let this cause you to back away from doing exchanges like you were planning. Your stitching is absolutely lovely. Best of luck to you!

Michele said...

I found your blog from Ruth's .. and I'm very sorry you had to endure this type of behavior from anyone, especially family! I would love to do an exchange with you .. I think you should keep stitching and stitching .. and sharing with others :)

Juls said...

I also found your blog from Ruth's. I am aghast at how rude and ignorant people can be!!!! ((((((((((Bliss))))))). I would do nothing ever again for them. It's unfortunate that people like that exist in our world! I would say just be yourself and be very selective upon whom you give such precious gifts to.

Sally said...

I have just come across your blog from Tammy's and just wanted to say how awful these people are. They are rude and hurtful and simply worth bothering with ever again. There are people I won't ever stitch gifts for again as things I have stitched in the past are never put on display ( and that's my sister!) {{{{hugs}}}} toy uo.

Suzanne said...

It's amazing how ungrateful some people are. I had a similar experience last Christmas. With a new baby and having been out of work for eight months, I decided to make Christmas presents. I made cakes and biscuits in addition to some small purchased gifts. My father was thrilled and was so excited to tell everyone what a beautiful and yummy gift he received, but my father-in-law was quite the opposite. He told everyone who would listen was a horrible gift he received and what kind of cheap gift it was and refused to eat it. Then when I asked if he enjoyed it, he turned around and said it was very tasty and he enjoyed it very much. This was not true as he had left it with my sister-in-law, still wrapped in it's original wrapping. This year he received a gift with very little thought and both my husband and I were very reluctant to give him anything at all.

Don't be disheartened, please join some of the exchanges. We are all fellow stitchers who appreciate the time and effort that goes into stitching and I am certain that nobody will be dissapointed with your beautiful work.

Sue said...


So sorry to hear of this, I'v never experience this myself but how ungrateful they are. After all the precious time you have spent on making lovely gifts. I myself love handmade gifts and treasure them. don;t bother sending them anything next time even bought item they don;t deserve it. Have added you blog id to mine

Kepp up the good work


Sandy said...

I can't believe they would say that to you. How sad these people must be. Some people just don't get the "time" that goes into making a gift for them, you can't buy that in any store. I love everyhing that has ever been given to me and display it proudly. I hope you keep stitching and not let these 2 make you stop, they must be miserable and are just trying to get you to join them. All of your stitching is beautiful. I'm very selective in who I give my gifts to for the same reason, I don't want it to wind up in the hallway somewhere not being seen.

I hope you feel better and hold your head up high, at least you have talent enough to do something creative....anyone can go shopping for a gift.

Lili said...

Oh my... My lags are cut. I just can't believe these horrible people could say anything like that.
If I were you, I would refuse to meet these people from now on. If they are significant to your DH, then he can go to their place and meet them. Though I can tell you that I do wonder how these arseholes can mean anything to him.
There aren't words to express how horrified I am. And how so sorry I feel for you. You make such beautiful things with all your love and care, and it shows, mind you!
You have all my support and I suggest that you have these indelicate people read the comments I have read here.
Take care, Felicity,

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness, I'm absolutely flabbergasted by this post! What arrogant, ignorant people they are!! Personally I think home-made gifts are truly the best gifts ever - they mean so much as a stitcher we can appreciate the time and love that goes into such a gift. I definitely say you should both tell them to "stick" their engagement and wedding where the sun don't shine! You don't need negative people like that in your lives ... I agree the less you see of them, the better {{hugs}}.

Margaret said...

There is nothing I can say which hasn't been said by someone else already. With all these wonderful comments you will know that we are all in your corner.
'she' and her 'he' just don't have a clue. Notice there was no way I could even put capitals in the last sentence.
On a positive note - since you no longer have to stitch for their wedding you will have time to either stitch for yourself or someone else who is worth the time, energy and love put into it.

Mel in Dubai said...

Send the bloomers to them for Christmas this year, or better yet, as an engagement gift!!

How rude! If I was your DH I'd also be telling them that due to their rudeness, I would rather spend the evening in the park with you than attend their precious little engagement party!